Lord, help.

this is not right. no, it isn't. i am acting so weirdly these past few weeks. i don't know why. maybe because of last school year's events concerning.. some stuff best kept secret. uhm. i really can't do this. i can't handle this anymore. i am so fed up with my unthinkable thoughts (?!?). i read two blogs today, one i enjoyed, the other one i hated (not the entire blog but one blog entry, the blogger's 1st serious entry i believe). uhm. it was already in the past, but for me it's not. i just can't take the idea of that thing happening again. i just can't. Lord, help.

maybe you can't understand what i am saying, but that's fine. some may know what i am talking about, and to those of you who can, keep quiet (if you want to talk about it, talk about it in front of me. no backstabbing). i can't move on. ok. of course i can, i'm just thinking that i can't. i was so depressed a few days back. i prayed last last night that God would take away the depression. and He did!! praise God for that. but the problem does not end there. i am still struggling to get over this. i keep on thinking about what will happen in the future and when my dream (yes, my dream or should i say nightmare) appears in my mind, i want to do something real bad.

i don't want to be a plastic "friend". i want to forget this. i want to be free from this. i am afraid that i might sin again. i don't want to feel this bondage of my yesterday anymore. God knows what i am feeling. so He did something to help me. last may 9, i was having my quiet time. i was supposed to read 2 Peter 3:3-15, but instead, i read 1 John 3:3-15. and some of the verses i read struck me.

"Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning..."

- 1 John3:3, 6

wow. that was accidental and yet God used it to make me realize that when i told Him that i want to be pure again, i am pure again. i don't have to worry anymore because He has already freed me from the bondage of my past sins. i just have to remember this truth all the time so i won't feel bad anymore. God really comforts us even in our daily struggles in life. i know i will still struggle with this. but i know that when i say, "Lord, help" He'll be there. =D

"Born for freedom,

for Your light has set me free..."

- from the song YOUR LOVE,

LCDC2k7's theme song